Parachutes
by TheQueenMermaid
Summary: A throwback to the elevator conversation in 7x12 and the events that follow. Arizona continues to pursue Callie; Callie continues to push her away. They know they have to find their way back to each other, but first they have to figure out how.
1. Jumping without a Parachute

**Title: **Parachutes **  
****Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**Rating:** M. This chapter is rated T for language and very veiled allusions to sex.  
**Summary:** Callie and Arizona had a conversation in the elevator, but it went very differently. Arizona, still desperate to reconcile, continues to pursue Callie, and Callie, still hurt and angry, continues to push her away. They have to find their way back to each other, but first they have to figure out how.  
**A/N:** Many super thanks to my beta for this chapter, whom I don't think has an account on here, but is airbefore on LiveJournal!

* * *

"I just want -"

"Another chance. I know." Of all the conversations Callie had anticipated having at the end of the day, this was not one of them. She had been planning to book it out of the hospital at the exact second her shift ended and finally crash on Mark's couch with a really big glass of wine. Because, she reminded herself, she could still drink wine. The pregnancy test she'd finally willed herself to take that morning had been negative, and she saw many glasses of wine in her very near future. "But this isn't just about what you want. I had a really...weird shift. I can't do this right now. I told you this morning how I felt. Nothing has changed and I have every right to be mad."

"Of course you do," Arizona said quietly. She paused. "I had a weird shift too. I talked to Mark. Kind of a lot."

Instantly, Callie jerked to attention. She sincerely hoped that Arizona didn't pick up on the panic in her eyes. "You…you did? What, uh, what did you talk about?"

"You."

Shit. Shit. Did that mean Arizona knew about the sorbet - all the times she and Mark had eaten it, so to speak? Callie tried to convince herself that she didn't care anymore what Arizona thought about her, but…shit. "Me? What about me?" She tried to sound nonchalant, and if she failed miserably, Arizona didn't comment.

"I asked him for advice. About you, and about me, and about you and me. He said I'm a crappy listener and that when things get hard I bail."

Mostly relieved that the sorbet didn't seem to have come up in conversation, but also slightly indignant that Arizona genuinely seemed to believe that bailing was her biggest flaw, Callie made a noise that was halfway between a laugh and a dismissive scoff. "That's crap."

"What?"

"I mean, yeah, you are a pretty crappy listener. But you don't bail. Not usually, anyway."

"Well, then what -"

"I'm not going to spell out your flaws for you, Arizona. Neither of us needs that." Callie closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. She was dangerously close to yelling, and she didn't want to do that anymore. "And this isn't you. The pleading, the begging for attention, the getting advice from Mark. It's…not you, and it's not good. Who are you?"

Arizona willed her voice not to waver. "I…am someone who was forced to make the hardest decision of her life and desperately wants you to forgive her for making the wrong one." She took another breath, sure that Callie was going to stare a hole in her face. "Calliope. I am so -"

"Stop it, okay? Just…stop apologizing. It's too late." Callie's voice was flat - weary. She wasn't entirely sure whether she meant it was too late ever to reconcile with Arizona or that it was simply too late at night to be continuing this conversation. "You made that decision. You, by yourself. No one forced you." She felt an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu. This parking lot - which she didn't quite remember walking to - really was not good for her relationships. "You left, you came back. Fine, whatever. But…I don't care anymore, Arizona." She sighed and looked into Arizona's eyes for the first time in a while. "Please, just leave me alone." With that, she turned and walked toward her building, willing herself with every step to resist looking back.


	2. I Hate Africa

**A/N:** This story will eventually make use of its M rating, but for the foreseeable future, it's rated T for language and sexual references - nothing major.  
**A/N 2:** Many, many thanks to my beta for this chapter, who is airbefore on LiveJournal but whom I don't think has an account here!

* * *

Arizona realized that her mouth was still hanging open. She couldn't decide whether to run after Callie and continue pleading her case or finally leave her alone. She hadn't said all she'd wanted to say, but now that she thought about it, that was probably a good thing. She hadn't really laid out the remaining thoughts in her brain in an order that would make sense if she said them aloud.

Still, it worried her that Callie claimed not to care anymore. Just that morning she'd quipped to Mark that it was good that Callie was mad, because at least that meant she still cared. Callie still caring meant that Arizona still had a chance, albeit probably a very tiny one. Now it was entirely possible that she was shit out of luck.

More than that, Arizona realized, everything else Callie had said that day was true. She was a terrible listener. She'd refused to listen to her girlfriend's qualms about Africa. She'd been single-minded through the whole thing, thinking only about advancing her career, not disappointing Chief Webber, and making her parents proud. She wasn't selfish, exactly, she reasoned; she was more…self-preserving. And completely terrified, now that she put a name to it. She couldn't handle people being disappointed in her or disliking her, and if Callie had indeed grown to resent her as she'd feared, Arizona knew she wouldn't have been able to take it. She was terrified of failure, so to make sure she didn't fail Callie, she'd…failed Callie. Arizona barely resisted smacking herself in the forehead at how poorly executed that plan had been.

So, she knew she wasn't flawless. She'd never planned on admitting as much to Mark; she had enough trouble admitting it to herself. The whole bonding-with-Mark experience had caught her completely off-guard. She had to hand it to the guy, though. As Callie's best friend, he had every right to treat her much, much worse. It unnerved her, actually, how helpful he'd been. She'd have to apologize to him later. And Alex. And Sarah and her family. And that poor med student who'd had his scalp doodled on in permanent marker.

When had she let everything get so fucked up? She began to feel slightly queasy as she catalogued her errors. Not only was she deeply sorry for hurting Callie so badly, as she'd said, but she was ashamed of herself and how she'd behaved. The shame settled like a cinderblock in the pit of her stomach. Callie's earlier question rattled around in her head. Who the hell was she? She didn't even know anymore. The queasiness upgraded itself to straight-up nausea. She dimly registered that these were all things she should tell Callie, but she couldn't fathom where to begin or what she'd actually say. She hated herself at that moment. She could actually feel the self-loathing pumping through her bloodstream. She hated herself. The love of her life could barely stand to look at her. Her parents were disappointed and confused. The Carter-Madison people were none too thrilled with her, and she was still teetering on the edge of the chief's good side. Most of her colleagues judged her for how she'd treated Callie. Funny, she thought, how this was a direct result of trying desperately to avoid this very outcome. Seriously fighting the urge to throw up right there in the parking lot, Arizona stumbled to her car, climbed in, and started the ignition. She didn't know where she was going to go, but it had to be better than this.

* * *

She loved Mark, she really did. He'd been there for her more times than she could remember. But God, was Callie ever glad that he wasn't home. The last thing she wanted was to smile halfheartedly at his good-natured attempts to cheer her up. She wasn't in the mood. She didn't want to cheer up. She wanted to wallow. "This place smells like man," she said aloud as she unlocked the door to Mark's apartment and stepped inside. For a brief moment, she considered what would have happened if that pregnancy test had been positive. She did prefer the smell of baby over the smell of man. But she preferred the smell of Arizona over both of them.

Running a hand through her hair and collapsing on the couch, Callie let out a pained moan. She felt the way she imagined a skydiver would feel the moment he realizes his parachute isn't going to open. She'd spoken her mind to Arizona - well, some of it, anyway. She'd taken the leap and told her to stay the fuck away from her. She'd told Arizona she no longer cared. She'd said all kinds of final-sounding things. Yeah, she'd jumped out of that airplane, all right. But now she felt herself hurtling through the wind, and she dreaded the impending crash.

In all her insane babbling over the past weeks, Arizona had been right about one thing: Callie did still love her. As much as she tried not to, she couldn't help it. She thought about her all the goddamn time. And while she did agree with her earlier assessments that Arizona was untrustworthy and bordering on insanity, the rest of what she'd said was bullshit.

The sex with Mark hadn't been bad, per se, but it sure hadn't been anything to write home about. It had been familiar, even predictable. While sex with Arizona was always comfortingly familiar, it was always exciting and new, too. Sex with Mark was boring, emotionless, and a stark reminder of what wasn't there. Callie had faked almost all of her orgasms with him. She likened the experience to a friend telling bad jokes to try to get the other person to cheer up - which Mark had also done, on several occasions. It didn't usually work unless she was drunk.

Speaking of drunk, she still wanted wine. But now she was on the couch and the wine was all the way in the kitchen. She decided to settle for getting drunk on memories, ruminations, and self-pity instead.

God, she had missed Arizona, every little thing about her. One night, when Mark was either working overnight or shacking up with Lexie - she'd stopped keeping track - she'd closed her eyes, slid her hand into her pants, and pretended that it was Arizona touching her. She had conjured the sweet sound of her voice, the soft press of her body into Callie's own, even her delicate apple scent. That orgasm had definitely not been fake. It was the best Callie could remember feeling in weeks. Then, she'd cried herself to sleep.

So, yeah. The repeated declarations that she didn't want to see Arizona ever again? Total lies. Callie's heart raced with glee every time she saw Arizona at the hospital - for about three seconds until her brain caught up and reminded her how angry and devastated she was. Not seeing Arizona equaled not feeling angry and devastated, which was probably a good thing. Arizona was untrustworthy, and that was a stab in the lungs. After Arizona's whole speech about not trusting Callie, after Callie's constant reassurances that she could - and should - be trusted, Arizona had gone and taken that trust, shoved it in Callie's face, and hopped on a plane to Malawi. Of course she loved Arizona. But how could she fully forgive someone she couldn't trust?

Callie punched the couch cushion in front of her. In her bone-weary state, it was more of a pat than a punch. "I hate Africa," she said out loud. Stupid Africa. Stupid Arizona for being so brilliant. Stupid Carter-Madison people for noticing.

Then her anger faded as she thought about the two men she'd met earlier. As annoying as she'd found Kyle at first, their situation touched her, moved her, haunted her in ways she hadn't expected. She had seen herself in Brady and she'd seen Arizona in his fiancé, terrified and begging for forgiveness. And Callie, for her part, was crushed.

Some of the things Kyle had said stuck with Callie and honestly made her want to forgive Arizona - almost. After all, she reasoned, if you love someone enough you should be able to forgive them for anything. And what if something awful happened to Arizona - or herself - tomorrow and she never got her chance? She'd witnessed forgiveness today and it had been beautiful.

But Callie was just too confused. What had gone wrong? One minute she'd been teasing Arizona about her adorably dorky giant sunhat, and the next…well, here she was. She knew she hadn't behaved perfectly. But honestly, when had she ever? Arizona was supposed to love her for all of her faults. She was supposed to mention her in her letters to Teddy. And, God damn it, she was supposed to talk to Callie about moving to the other side of the world before she decided to do it.

Callie rested her head against the back of the couch. "I hate Africa," she said again on a choked whisper. "I fucking hate it. Fucking…" Her voice trailed off as the lump in the back of her throat finally exploded into painful sobs, hushed but powerful. Tears erupted like geysers in her eyes, and she wrapped her arms around herself as her whole body began to shake.

Callie loved Arizona. She loved Mark. She even loved Cristina, God help her. But damn, was she ever glad that none of them were here now to witness the breakdown.


	3. The Understanding is in the Retelling

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you, thank you to my beta for this chapter, who is hylen on LiveJournal but whom I don't think is on here!

* * *

When she had calmed down enough to breathe without hiccupping, Callie dug her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her contacts before settling on the one that would either provide sound advice or find the elusive humor in her situation.

"Addison, help," Callie groaned before Addison had a chance to finish saying hello.

"And a warm hello to you, too," Addison quipped. "I'm doing fine; thanks for asking. This is Callie, right?"

"Ugh. Sorry. Hi, Addison. How are you? Seen any good movies lately? I'm just…I don't…help," Callie whined.

"What's going on?"

"Arizona," Callie stated. "Arizona is going on."

"Why, are you thinking of…moving there or something? Because if you're looking to relocate, Los Angeles is really -"

"Addison. _Arizona_ Arizona."

"Oh," Addison breathed. "Arizona. You mean the hot blonde who kissed you in a bar bathroom, called you a baby, asked you out, swept you off your feet, stood up to your father, told you she loved you, lied to you about having the chicken pox, never stopped thinking you wanted to sleep with Mark, didn't want to have kids with you, _did_ want to have kids with you, painted your apartment beige, and broke up with you in an airport so she could go off gallivanting in Africa? That Arizona?"

"She didn't…gallivant, exactly," Callie defended lamely. "But yeah, that Arizona."

"Well, now that I'm up to speed, what did she do now?"

"She came back."

"She_what?_"

"Yeah," Callie breathed. "That was pretty much the reaction I had, too."

"Okay," Addison began. "So…what is she doing? What are_you_ doing?"

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know. Everything is such a mess, Addison. I don't know what to do." Despite her best efforts, Callie's voice broke and she started to cry again. If Addison hadn't noticed the cracking of Callie's voice, she definitely noticed the hitched sob that Callie was trying to hold in.

"Oh, sweetie." Her voice was softer now, having lost the joking tone it had held before. "We're going to make this better. Talk to me. Start at the beginning."

Callie nodded even though she knew her friend couldn't see her. "She said she'd go to Africa and be happy and I should stay here and be happy. Then she said I was ruining Africa for her, that we were over, and then she walked away and got on the plane." Callie sighed. "I told you that part."

"Yeah, well, doesn't stop me from getting mad on your behalf a second time."

"It was _awful_," Callie continued, her voice thick with tears. "I was just standing there, alone, in the middle of the airport with my suitcase. My luggage was on the plane, the woman I loved walked away from me, I didn't have an apartment, and I didn't have a job."

"God," Addison sighed. "I can't even imagine."

"I checked into a hotel, called the airline about my luggage, and arranged to start working again a week later. I basically cried and slept for three days."

"Did she call you? Tell you she landed safely?"

"No," Callie scoffed. "For all I knew she was drowning in the ocean or, you know, being stampeded by elephants."

"Are there elephants in Malawi?"

"How should I know?" Callie replied. "She didn't call." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, I more or less put myself in a coma. I missed her so much, Addison. She was all I thought about. I didn't care if I never worked again or had to live in a hotel for the rest of my life. I just wanted her back. Isn't that ridiculous? She broke my heart, fucking stomped on it. And yet all I could think about was how badly I wanted her with me. I mean, we had a life together. We were living together, in our own apartment. Everything was finally perfect. Then she gets this grant and just drops everything. Drops _me_. And I was going to go with her! Was it my first choice? Of course not! My first choice would have been for her to talk to me. You know, include me in her big life-altering decisions. My first choice would have been for us to stay the way we were. I was so…Addison, I was so happy. I didn't want to 'stay here and be happy,' not without her. I _was_ happy. I was _so happy_."

"I know, honey."

"But she never asked me what my first choice was. She just…left. So, yeah, I was angry. I'm still angry. But mostly I just wanted her with me." Callie paused to collect herself. "Anyway, then I found out Cristina quit the program."

"_What?_"

"Don't worry, she came back. But yeah. I finally got out of bed to go talk some sense into her. Long story short, I cut off my hair and helped her throw a housewarming party."

Addison laughed. "I can't even picture you with short hair! You have to send me a picture!"

Callie laughed too. She knew Addison was the right person to call. "You can too picture it. Just imagine my face and hair around it. It's to my chin now."

"Still having trouble," Addison admitted. "Anyway, Cristina had a housewarming party. Then what?"

"I got drunk and moved in with Mark."

"And how'd that go over?"

"Fine. I still missed Arizona, but at least I wasn't alone anymore."

"So, better than it went for me, then."

Callie chuckled. "Well, then I went back to work. Turns out setting and breaking bones is an excellent way to release pent-up rage." They both laughed. "But then a week or so later, Derek got his Alzheimer's experiment approved, so all the attendings went to Joe's."

"Oh, God, the hospital didn't burn down, did it?"

"No, but Cristina was tending bar."

"_What?_"

"I told you she came back to work. Now shut up."

"Sorry, sorry," Addison said. "Just…Cristina Yang tending bar? Damn. I know you told me she was messed up since the shoot…the thing. But I didn't realize how much. You promise she's okay now?"

"Promise. But I, on the other hand…I hit a low. We all got really drunk. Bailey especially. It was pretty hilarious, actually. But anyway, Teddy told me Arizona didn't mention me in any of the letters she'd sent her, and I just…I broke again. God, I've broken so many times I've lost count."

"So what happened?" Addison hedged.

"I slept with Mark."

Addison was quiet for a moment. "Did it help?"

"No," Callie answered, starting to cry again. "I didn't even…you know. By the time we were done, I wasn't drunk anymore and I missed Arizona more than ever. And I felt like I'd cheated on her, even though she broke up with me."

"She sprung it on you that you were over and then, to try to make yourself feel better, you slept with your best friend. That's not cheating, Callie. It's self-medicating." Addison paused to let her reassurance sink in. "Didn't something like that happen on _Friends_?"

The joke did get Callie to laugh, which had been Addison's intention, but then she said, "I self-medicated six more times," and chuckled self-deprecatingly. "We finally realized I didn't miss Arizona any less, he didn't miss Lexie any less, and it wasn't helping anything."

"That's wise," Addison said, "but you two sleeping together makes sense. I hope you're not beating yourself up too much. If I were you, I would've done the same." Another pause. "How is Lexie, by the way?"

"Oh, she's fine," Callie replied. "She told Mark she loved him the other day, so they're probably jumping each other's bones right now."

"Nice."

"So then, after all that, Arizona just shows up at my door - Mark's door, don't even ask how she knew I was there - and gives me this speech about how she'd been crying the whole time she was in Africa because she missed me so she came back. And she told me I looked pretty."

"I'm sure you do, but I'm guessing that's not the point," Addison ventured softly.

"I may or may not have shut the door in her face."

"Ouch. But I'm on your side here, Callie. I think she totally deserved it."

"She did, but I still felt like crap."

The two had been on the phone for close to an hour now, and Addison's head was reeling. She could practically feel Callie's pain through the phone connection. From what Callie had told her about Arizona before, Addison had really thought she'd be the one. When Callie had called to say they'd broken up because she wanted kids and Arizona didn't, Addison had felt the anguish then, too. Then, a few months later, Callie had called again to tell her they were back together, and she had experienced Callie's total joy with her. The last Addison had heard, Arizona had won some prestigious grant and flitted off to Africa, leaving Callie alone. Now Arizona was back once again, and Addison couldn't help but wonder whether poor Callie would ever catch a break. She wished there was something more she could do. Fairy dust, telekinesis, that machine Jim Carrey had used in _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ - anything. As it was, though, all she could do was listen and try to give the best advice she could. And to be fair, that was all Callie had asked for, but she really did hate hearing her friend sound so upset and broken. When Callie loved, she loved so freely and intensely - it was beautiful. But it kept biting her in the ass, and Addison was sick of that.

For her part, this was the first time Callie had talked this whole thing out fully, and she had to admit it was making her feel a little better. Hearing Addison's reassurances was a relief, and she truly appreciated her friend's ability to make her laugh even during all of this. Mark's idea of cheering Callie up was talking about his latest sexploits with Lexie. Addison compared Callie's life to_Friends_. Yes, Callie definitely preferred the latter.

"This isn't your fault, Callie. She broke up with you in the worst possible way. You didn't do anything wrong -"

"It's kind of my fault, though, isn't it?" Callie asked, laughing mirthlessly. "I was a total bitch about the whole Africa thing. I mean, I was kind of ruining it for her. I guess I kind of wished she'd change her mind and decide to stay. Not to mention the whole jumping into bed with Mark thing, after she spent our whole relationship worrying that I was going to go back to him."

"You didn't do it to be vindictive, Callie. I know you. I know you wouldn't do that. You couldn't if you wanted to."

"Ever since she's been back, she's been following me around, telling me how sorry she is, groveling at my feet, begging for forgiveness. This morning she told me she'd gotten rid of the sub-letters on our old apartment and she was moving in."

"That's ballsy."

"Tell me about it. I finally snapped. I told her she was untrustworthy, among other things, and I didn't want to see her and I didn't want her in my life. Then, after the shift from hell, she cornered me in the elevator and gave me another speech about how she loved me and wanted a second chance and how she'd figured out her flaws because Mark had helped her. She said she bails when things get hard."

"Stubbornness, thy name is Arizona," Addison said dryly.

"I told her that wasn't true, because it's not. She doesn't bail. She stood up to my dad, for Christ's sake. I don't doubt that she loves me. But I told her I didn't care anymore and I wanted her to leave me alone."

"Do you?"

"No," Callie admitted. "Not really. But I don't want her to keep doing what she's been doing, either."

"Callie, do you want me to hate her for you? Because I will if you want me to. I swear to God -"

"No, Addison. I don't want you to hate her. I don't hate her."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes," Callie answered without having to think about it. "Yes. I never stopped. I love her. But I can't trust her."

"Okay," Addison said with more confidence than she felt. "Okay. So, in an ideal world, what would happen next? Keep in mind that this is a kind of messed-up ideal world where all this shit already happened."

Callie chuckled. "In an ideal world? We'd get back together and we'd never hurt each other ever again."

"What do you need from her to be sure she won't hurt you?"

"I don't know. That's the problem."

"It seems to me," Addison said, formulating an idea in her head that she hoped would come out as sound advice, "that your problem is with communication. She doesn't communicate with you. And, in all fairness, from what you've told me, you don't communicate with her to the best of your abilities either. Do you think, on some level, that the reason she was afraid of you going back to Mark was because you communicated with him more than you did with her?"

"That's a loaded question, isn't it?" Callie laughed. Only from Addison would that line of questioning not be offensive.

"You bet your ass it is," Addison replied, and Callie could just picture the self-satisfied grin on her face. "So, you want to get back together. That's good. I mean, yeah, I kind of hate her for you, but I want you to be happy again, Callie. And if being with Arizona is what's going to make you happy, that's what you should do."

"Thanks," Callie said softly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be here all week. Anyway, you want to get back together, but you need to be able to trust each other and you need to communicate. I don't think you can have one without the other. So what should she say to you to make you trust her?"

"She needs to show me she can talk to me," Callie said after thinking for a long minute. "I just don't know what that means exactly. And she needs to figure it out on her own. Otherwise it kind of defeats the purpose."

"Right," Addison agreed.

"Oh, God," Callie groaned.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I'm going to have to tell her I slept with Mark. That's going to ruin everything."

"I don't think she really has the right to be upset about that," Addison countered. "She said you were over. You didn't cheat on her. And he's busy jumping Little Grey's bones now anyway. It's not like he's much of a threat anymore."

"We'll see," Callie mumbled. "According to Arizona, he's always a threat."

"Sounds like that's something you two need to _communicate_about," Addison said with just a trace of smugness.

"Very funny," Callie bit back. "I mean, yeah, true, but still, I can practically hear your shit-eating grin." She and Addison both laughed, Callie for real this time. "What would I do without you, Addison?"

"I prefer not to think about it," Addison said. "Hey, I've got to go. I won't bore you with the details, but I've got…man plans tonight. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Callie answered, suddenly exhausted again and ready to sleep for days. "Thanks for talking this out with me. It really helped."

"Hey, I love you, Cal. This is going to get better, I promise. Call me soon and tell me what's going on."

"Okay," Callie promised. "Love you, too. Have a good…man."

Addison snickered. "I always do."

Callie snapped her phone closed, tossed it onto the coffee table in front of her, and collapsed backward onto the couch. She just barely registered that she still had her clothes and shoes on, but she was too tired to do anything about it. Closing her eyes, she repeated Addison's advice in her head. She and Arizona had to improve their communication if they had any hope of being together, and that included coming clean about Mark. And even though Callie knew she wasn't technically in the wrong, she still worried that Arizona would change her mind once she knew. On the other hand, it would be a perfect way to get Arizona to talk about her insecurities around Mark, and that would certainly be communication. Callie tried to formulate a plan of what she might say, but her coherent thought quickly gave way to sheep just begging to be counted. Once she gave into their insistence, she was asleep in minutes. And for the first time since the whole airport debacle, she slept soundly, dreaming of the feel of Arizona asleep beside her.


	4. Fear

**A/N:** Thanks a million to my beta, who is hylen on LiveJournal but whom I don't think is on here! Just in case she is, thanks for all your help! :)

* * *

Arizona was on her third cigarette when Teddy finally pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building.

"You could have called," she remarked, getting out of her car and making her way over to where Arizona leaned against the hood of her own car, half-smoked cigarette in hand.

"And said what, exactly?" Arizona bit back. "'Quick, leave your important life-saving job and all the patients who are depending on you to come talk to me because my girlfriend hates me and I have no idea what I'm doing'?"

"No, you're right," Teddy replied. "Standing here in the dark, chain smoking in my parking lot, is a much better idea. I'm a cardiologist, you know. You're killing my soul."

Arizona threw her cigarette to the ground and stamped it out. "Callie told me she didn't care anymore," she said softly. "This morning she yelled at me. She said she didn't want me in her life, but she was yelling, and I told myself that as long as she was yelling, at least she still cared. But now she doesn't care anymore."

Teddy sighed, abandoning her plans of a hot bath, a terrible movie, and a fair amount of alcohol. She liked Arizona, she honestly did, but it amazed her how one person could have so many crises. "She's Callie," she said. "Of course she cares. She doesn't do anything _but_ care. Come on. We'll go drink some wine and try to forget about people who care about us. You want to watch_ Dirty Dancing_?"

"I don't want to forget about her," Arizona insisted. "I want to make her care again. And I hate _Dirty Dancing_."

"Okay, fine, we won't forget and we won't put Baby in a corner," Teddy conceded. She unlocked the main door of her building and the pair moved down the hallway. "How about _Twilight_? Feel like some sparkly vampires?"

"Teddy," Arizona said, shaking her head, "if you're trying to cheer me up, I appreciate it, but it's not really working. And if you're actually suggesting we watch_ Twilight_, I don't know if we can be friends."

They climbed a short flight of stairs, turned a corner, and stopped in front of apartment 18. Arizona had only been here once before. Teddy unlocked the door and they stepped inside.

"I'm going to change and get us some wine," Teddy called over her shoulder as she walked toward her bedroom. "Make yourself comfortable."

Arizona sat down on the couch and looked around at Teddy's furnishings. They were simple but classy - a painting of flowers here, a family picture there - and, of course, a scale model of a human heart on the coffee table. She tucked her feet underneath her. _Make yourself comfortable,_ Teddy had said. Arizona tried stretching out, but that wasn't to her liking either. She hadn't been comfortable in months. How was she supposed to make herself comfortable without Callie next to her? She had to fix this. She wasn't quite sure how, but she had to keep believing she could. She'd fucked up, that much Arizona knew. But how did one go about undoing a fuck-up? Callie needed her to own up to her flaws, but short of being a crappy listener and taking advice from Mark, she honestly couldn't figure out what they were. She'd spent so long convincing everyone - her parents, her teachers, her colleagues, her patients, her girlfriends and, most significantly, herself - that she didn't have any that she'd actually begun to believe it.

Arizona jolted back into the present when she felt Teddy sit down beside her. She hadn't realized she'd been crying until Teddy handed her a glass of wine, put a hand on her shoulder, and asked, "It's bad, huh?"

"Yeah," Arizona exhaled shakily, reaching up with her free hand and wiping away her tears. "It's bad. I fucked up and I don't know how to make it better. I just know that I _have_ to make it better because I can't lose Callie. I've already started to lose her and I can't lose her completely because I love her and I need her."

"You know," Teddy said softly, "in all the time I've known you, I've never heard you say you needed anyone. And we've talked about a lot of people."

Arizona shook her head. "I've never felt like this before. I need Callie to make me whole."

"Hmm," Teddy mused. "Does she know that?"

"Of course she does," Arizona said, but it wasn't convincing. She took a sip from her wine, letting the silence permeate their space.

"So what happened at the airport?" Teddy finally ventured, knowing only the vague descriptions she'd gotten from Arizona's letters and Callie's half-drunken confessions at Joe's.

"The short version is that I told her she was ruining Africa for me and that we were over," Arizona explained, self-deprecation seeping so heavily into her voice that Teddy had to strain to hear her. "The long version is that I freaked out, convinced myself she'd grow to hate me if she came with me, picked a fight, made her mad, told her that since we were standing there screaming at each other we were over, and got on the plane." Arizona took another sip of wine. "Now she hates me anyway." She felt herself tearing up again. "Damn it."

"Hey, no judgment," Teddy said, holding up her hands. "Pretty much all I ever do in this apartment is sleep, do laundry, and cry." She took a drink of her own wine. "And watch _Dirty Dancing_."

"I fucked up," Arizona repeated through her tears. "I_ know_ I fucked up. I just don't know what to do now. I mean, I know I hurt Callie, and I feel _awful_. I wish I could take it back. I was just so afraid of hurting her in some other way and getting hurt in return that I ruined everything." She scrubbed at her eyes. "How do I fix it?"

"You were afraid," Teddy said slowly. "You were afraid she'd resent you; you were afraid she'd leave you. Last year you were afraid she'd sleep with Mark. You made the decision to go to Africa without talking to her about it because you were afraid you'd fight about it and break up. Even now, you need her and that scares you." Arizona was silent. "You've been afraid a lot," Teddy continued. "When you love and trust someone - when you _need _someone - you give them the power to hurt you. You're afraid of getting hurt, so you're afraid to need her. You're afraid to give up control. It's easier to be in control and distrustful than it is to be powerless and hurt." Teddy finally understood. She understood, and it broke her heart. As crazy as Arizona drove her sometimes, she truly valued her as a friend. She was the first friend Teddy had made in Seattle besides Owen, and Arizona hadn't given up on her when everyone else seemed to want to. Still, Teddy had always had a feeling there was a side to Arizona she never got to see, and now that she was seeing it, she was beginning to understand just how insecure she really was. Teddy hated that Arizona felt that way. Everyone was entitled to their feelings, of course, but people like Arizona, who were so sweet and caring and smart and amazing at what they did, didn't deserve to be insecure like this. More than anything, Teddy wished she could take away all the hurt and fear Arizona had been carrying for God only knew how long.

"I was so busy being afraid that I forgot to talk to her," Arizona whispered.

Teddy nodded. "Anyone could see how much you two loved each other. But love is only part of a healthy relationship. How much did you actually communicate? And I don't mean angry sex or make-up sex or anything like that. I'm talking about actually sitting down, having a conversation, and telling each other how you feel."

"Once, I think," Arizona admitted. "We broke up."

"You got back together eventually," Teddy reminded her. "Not every conversation you have with Callie is going to end in a break-up. But you'll never be able to trust each other, stop hurting each other, and stop being afraid if you don't communicate."

Arizona nodded and sipped her wine. "I went to Mark for advice today, you know."

Teddy snorted. "What on Earth possessed you to do that?"

"He was there and you weren't!" Arizona defended herself. "Besides, I hate to say it, but he knows Callie better than pretty much anyone."

"He's a problem for you," Teddy observed.

"I feel like no matter what I do, I'll never measure up to the Best Friend in the World Who's Been There through Thick and Thin."

"You're the girlfriend, Arizona," Teddy said gently. "You're the one who gets to fall asleep next to her, kiss her whenever you want, make love to her, and tell her you love her. You're the only one who can call her Calliope without getting flipped off. Mark can't take that away from you. Anyway, he loves Lexie." She looked at Arizona pointedly. "And I bet Callie has no idea you feel this way."

Arizona looked away and hid her face in her wine glass. "Anyway, he told me my biggest flaw is that I bail when things get hard."

"You don't believe that, do you?"

"Not anymore."

"Good, because that's crap."

"Yeah, because being a bad listener and a bad communicator is so much better," Arizona sighed. "I'm kind of an idiot, huh?"

Teddy shook her head. "Nah, you're just scared. There's no shame in that. If it's any consolation, I married a patient last week."

Arizona choked on the sip of wine she'd just taken. "_What?_"

"I know, I know," Teddy said. "But it's not what you think. He didn't have any health insurance and he was going to die if he didn't have surgery."

"So you _married _him? Does anyone know? Does the chief know?"

"Owen knows, Bailey knows, and Lexie knows," Teddy said, ticking the knowing parties off on her fingers. "And yeah, the chief knows, and he is pissed. Any lingering anger he may have had toward you is now directed at me." She laughed. "But you want to know the really crazy part? I think the guy is falling for me."

"Teddy, oh my God."

"Right? So I'm just saying, if you're an idiot, I'm an even bigger one."

"We're not really good at relationships, are we?" Arizona chuckled.

"I'll drink to that," Teddy replied, taking both wine glasses into the kitchen to refill them. "Also, I have a confession to make," she hedged. Arizona quirked an eyebrow. "Callie may have asked me if you mentioned her in your letters. And I may have said no."

"You said _no?_" Arizona cried. "_Why?_"

"You didn't see her face," Teddy said firmly. "She was falling apart. What good would it have done her to know you missed her after all of that, but hadn't called or written? She would just have been more confused."

Arizona sighed. "Yeah, you're right." Teddy returned with two full glasses of wine. "No more wine," Arizona declared. "I need a clear head."

"Are you sure?" Teddy asked. "I can make up the couch for you. We can watch _Love, Actually_."

"No, I'm going to talk to Callie before I lose my nerve. And _Love, Actually_? Teddy, it's February."

"Wait, you're going to talk to her _now_?" Teddy asked, wine and movies forgotten. "What are you going to say?"

"That I suck at communicating and I'm completely terrified," she replied. "And that if she'll give me one more chance, I want to stop being terrified with her."

"Well, good luck," Teddy said, seeing Arizona to the door. "Call me and tell me what happens."

"Will do. Thanks for listening to me and making this make sense."

"Anytime," Teddy said, and she meant it.

Still, as soon as Arizona was out the door, Teddy lunged for her DVD collection and made a grab for _Dirty Dancing_.

* * *

Meanwhile, Callie's pleasant dream of Arizona sleeping beside her began to morph into something else. In her dream, she told Arizona she'd slept with Mark. A giant canyon ripped open the ground between them, and Callie could barely see or hear Arizona across it. She tried to take a step toward her, but she over-estimated how big of a step she needed to take and she fell. When she looked up, she couldn't see Arizona at all.


	5. Seeing with Your Eyes

**A/N:** Many apologies for the major delay in getting this chapter posted. I kept meaning to write, and then the music event happened and...yeah. Kind of wanted to live in happy pink bubble butterfly land for a while. But here it is! I hope it's worth the wait! As always, a million thanks to Jessica for imparting her beta-ing knowledge.

* * *

Callie was startled out of her dream-turned-nightmare by loud knocking at the door. She couldn't see much of anything in the dark apartment and she had no idea how long she'd been asleep. It could have been minutes; it could have been hours. She waited a moment; maybe Mark had come home and would answer the door. Maybe the knocking would stop. No such luck on either front, so she hauled herself off the couch and stumbled toward the door, yawning and still shaken from her dream.

She should have known Arizona would be on the other side.

"Okay, so picture _this_," she began. Callie had to hand it to her: the woman was persistent. "I'm standing in the parking lot, watching you walk away, trying not to throw up because I'm realizing I might've lost my chance, plus I haven't really eaten today but I've had way more coffee than any human should ever ingest in one day, and I may have smoked a few…" Arizona trailed off as she noticed Callie standing there staring at her, one eyebrow raised, looking mightily unimpressed. "…Anyway, I'm trying not throw up most of all because I…" this next part was a doozy, and Arizona drew in a breath. "…because I absolutely hate myself. And all that self-loathing just settles in the pit of my stomach with all the coffee and cigarette…stuff, and I have honestly never loathed myself more than I do right now."

Callie had the decency to look surprised at this latest revelation, her other eyebrow joining the raised one. Whether consciously or not, she stepped aside, allowing Arizona room to come into the apartment. As angry and hurt as Callie had been ever since that day in the airport, she never wanted to see Arizona so upset. And indeed, Arizona looked upset: hair tousled and unkempt, eyes dark and red-rimmed, face drawn tightly. She looked thinner, too, and all around less like herself. As Callie had told Addison on the phone, she didn't have it in herself to hate Arizona, and she didn't want Arizona to hate herself either. No one deserved to feel that way about themselves.

"I realized something else," Arizona continued, now inside the apartment. She wasn't sure where she should sit, if she had even earned the right to sit, so she stood awkwardly just inside the doorway. "I was – I _am_ – scared. I'm _terrified_."

"Huh?" Callie might berate herself later for responding so gracelessly to such a confession, but she had not expected Arizona to say that. Ever.

"Ever since we got together, I have been afraid. Ridiculously, stupidly happy, but afraid. I was afraid you'd decide you didn't want to be in a relationship with a woman. I was afraid you wanted to be with Mark. I was afraid to do anything that would upset you and make you want to leave me. I was afraid that one day you would just decide you'd had enough and just…leave. I needed to be perfect for you. I love you and you deserve the best, but I also had to make sure you'd never be upset with me."

Callie blinked. She felt a headache setting in. It was late, she was tired, and she only vaguely understood what Arizona was saying. "I don't get it," she finally said. "What does this have to do with –"

"I was afraid of making you hate me," Arizona pressed on. "I was afraid of making _anyone_ hate me. I thought going to Africa was a sure way to make sure that didn't happen. My parents would be proud, the chief would be proud, the Carter-Madison people would be proud, and you…you wouldn't resent me. If you came with me and started resenting me, hating me for uprooting your life, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself." She blew out a puff of air. "Now my parents are disappointed, Webber's mad, the Carter-Madison people are pissed, you hate me, and I can't live with myself anyway."

Callie leaned back against the couch where she'd sat down. This was a lot of information to get in such a short period of time. There were a dozen things she wanted to say, all clamoring for attention. As it was, all that came out was "Uh…"

"I'm afraid right now," Arizona continued, "because I realized how badly I need you. I need you to make me whole, and I'm so afraid to need you because it gives you the power to hurt me. I'm afraid to give up control. Control keeps me safe. The last person I needed was my brother, and he left. And he-he died." Arizona choked back a sob. "And I love you so, so much and I'm afraid you'll never want anything to do with me again and I'm going to lose you forever."

"I needed _you_ and _you_ left," Callie pointed out. She spoke softly. She was tired of yelling, tired of fighting, tired of being angry and harsh. She just wanted Arizona to understand. Besides, Arizona was being more honest with her now than she had been in the previous year and a half of their relationship. That had to be worth something, or at least she hoped so.

"I know," Arizona said brokenly. "I was so focused on honoring my commitments to everyone else that I neglected my commitment to you. I know that now. And I am so, so sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I know you're sorry. Frankly, I don't really care." Arizona gasped, a stricken look coming over her face. "I mean, I get it," Callie said hurriedly. "I get that you're sorry. I can see it. But you've said it so many times it's starting to lose meaning." Arizona's posture relaxed, but only slightly. "Just…stop. Sit down. You're pacing and it's making me nervous." Arizona sat down on the nearest stool at Mark's breakfast bar. "Look, Arizona," Callie began. "I don't hate you."

Arizona's eyes widened. "You don't?"

"No, I don't. Am I angry? Yes. Am I hurt? Absolutely. You made a decision that wasn't yours to make. You left me standing in the middle of an airport with no luggage, no job, nowhere to live, and without the person I loved so much I'd have followed her halfway around the world."

"Loved," Arizona said, barely audible. "You said loved. Not love."

Callie kept talking as if she hadn't heard anything. Maybe she hadn't. "We talked about trust before, Arizona. You said you trusted me. But what you did proves to me that you don't, and that makes it hard to trust you."

"I don't trust myself either."

"And I know I wasn't perfect. I know I was whiny and bitchy and I know I've always been shit at communicating with you. And I'm so sorry I never told you how proud I was of you for getting that grant. You deserve it. You're an amazing doctor. So I'm just saying you hurt me. You hurt me so badly I didn't think I'd be able to function. But maybe…maybe you're not the only one at fault here."

"Thank you for…well, thank you," Arizona rasped, hastily wiping at her tears.

"The fact that you're here now, admitting all of this to me…it doesn't make up for what happened, but it helps. It's something. You just told me a lot, Arizona, a lot about yourself. I…thank you."

Arizona nodded. "I did talk about you."

"What?"

"To Teddy. When I wrote to her. I did talk about you."

"But she said –"

"She lied."

Callie took a moment to digest that. "How do I know _you're_ not lying?"

"I guess you don't," Arizona admitted. "I don't blame you for not trusting me. But I did talk about you. You can ask Teddy later. I missed you so much. You were all I thought about. How could I not talk about you?"

"I missed you, too," Callie said quietly. "Every day. I never stopped."

"What does this mean?" Arizona was afraid to ask, but the theme of the night seemed to be facing her fears head-on.

"I don't know," Callie replied. "This was a good start toward…something, but you have to understand it'll take me a while to trust you again." Arizona nodded. "Also…" Callie dreaded having to say this. "…I have to tell you something." Arizona's face fell. Judging by the tone of Callie's voice, this was not going to be something she wanted to hear. She was about to speak, about to ask what else Callie could possibly need to tell her, when Callie said, "I slept with Mark."

Arizona closed her eyes against a fresh wave of tears. There was that nausea again. Callie _did_ want to be with Mark. Her fear hadn't been unfounded after all. No wonder Mark had been so nice to her today – it was out of pity for poor, stupid Arizona who couldn't see what was going on right under her nose. She stood up from the stool. She had to get away. The walls were closing in on her. The air was too thick and suddenly all she could smell was Mark – his cologne, his aftershave, that smell his hair had. The smell was all around her, suffocating her, and the door was a mile away –

"Arizona." Callie's hand on her shoulder, stopping her abrupt exit, pulled her back to the present. "Stop. Sit down."

"I have to –"

"No. We didn't go through all this just now just so you could freak out and run away again." Arizona sighed in defeat and sank back onto the stool. Callie was right, of course. Callie sat down beside her and turned to face her. "I'm telling you this now, Arizona, because I want you to hear it from me and not some nurse with nothing better to do than destroy people's lives with gossip. We're being honest with each other and now it's my turn. Don't forget, you left me. You said we were over. I didn't know when you were coming back, _if_ you were coming back. You were in Africa, getting trampled by elephants for all I knew, and you never called or wrote. You just…dropped me. You don't get to be mad about this."

"I'm not mad," Arizona choked, shaking her head. "I'm…sad. I'm just sad. And I'm an idiot for ever thinking I could come back here, fix things, and get you to take me back."

"_I_ was sad!" Callie cried. "I saw you everywhere, in every hallway of the hospital, every corner. No matter how much laundry I did, all of my clothes smelled like you. Every time my phone rang, I was sure you were finally calling. You were just…_gone_, and it hurt so much I couldn't breathe. I slept with Mark because even when I was drunk I wasn't numb, and I just wanted to be…I didn't want to hurt anymore." Arizona dropped her head and wouldn't meet Callie's eyes. "Do you know what I did with him, Arizona?" Arizona was silent. She really, really didn't want to know. "I faked my way through it and cried when we were done. I missed you. He missed Lexie. We were lonely together."

"So…you and Mark aren't still…?"

Callie almost had to laugh. Almost. "Arizona, look around. You see how the couch is all messy? That's because it's my bed. That's Lexie's bra on the floor over there. If you seriously think Mark and I are a couple, _that's_ why you're an idiot."

"Okay."

"_Okay_? We need to talk about this Mark thing," Callie observed. "Whatever we are, whatever we're going to be, I can't have you thinking I'm going to jump into his bed the second you turn your back."

"He's _always_ there!" Arizona finally snapped. "He's always around, sleeping in our bed, staring at my boobs, getting you to agree to raise babies with him!"

"He's my –"

"He's your best friend, I know. Trust me, I never forget it. But what am I? He knows more about you than I do. No matter what I do, I'll never measure up to him!"

"Is that what you think?" Callie asked softly. Arizona nodded, once again refusing to meet Callie's eyes. "How come you never said anything?"

"I tried!" Arizona cried. "But you always just said he was your _best friend_, and I should give him _one more chance_. And I knew how important he is to you, so I did. But you never even tried to see things from my point of view, not once, and how was I supposed to stop being afraid you'd choose him over me when that's what you always did? It was like…like the Callie and Mark Show and I was just the one the audience kept laughing at!"

"Arizona," Callie said softly. "Arizona, look at me." Reluctantly, Arizona did. "If I had known how much this bothered you, I would have…I don't know what I would have done, but things would have been different." Arizona wasn't sure she believed that, but she let Callie keep talking. Maybe the next words out of her mouth would be more convincing. "We _really_ suck at the communication thing."

Arizona chuckled, just a little. "That's an understatement."

"I'm sorry I didn't try harder to see things the way you did and I'm sorry I let Mark stare at your boobs and sleep in our bed. But I'm not sorry he's my best friend. He's been there for a lot." Arizona nodded, not particularly enjoying this topic of conversation, but she knew that if she had any hope of salvaging her relationship with Callie, it was one they definitely needed to cover. "But Arizona, there is no measuring up. You are two completely different people. He's my best friend, but you are so much more than that."

"I am?"

"Yes! Mark makes bad jokes, talks about his sex life, and is usually a better listener than Cristina. You stood up to my father, held me when I cried, sat with me while I threw up, told me you loved me…should I keep going?"

"And then I left you."

"Yeah," Callie breathed. "You left me. But you also came back."

"So…" Arizona hedged, "what do we do now?"

"I don't know," Callie admitted. "If we're going to be…anything, we need to trust each other more. And communicate a hell of a lot better."

"Tonight was a good start."

"Tonight was a good start," Callie repeated, agreeing wholeheartedly. "But I can't help but worry you're going to hurt me again."

"I won't," Arizona said with as much conviction as she'd ever had. "I won't hurt you again."

Callie stopped and looked at Arizona, really looked at her. Her hair was messy. Her eyes were darker and red-rimmed. Her face looked gaunt and tight. And yet, she was still the most beautiful person Callie had ever seen, and that realization barreled into her with about as much delicacy as a freight train. What was more, Callie hadn't had sex in over a month, and she hadn't had good sex in even longer. Her one-night stand alone on Mark's couch in the solitary company of her hand most definitely did not count. And Arizona was _here_, and _beautiful_, and they'd already communicated so much better than they ever had…

"Show me," Callie said, surprising herself.

"What?"

"Show me how you're not going to hurt me. Show me." She leaned forward, kissing Arizona with her breath.

Arizona's eyes widened. She lifted one hand and ran her thumb delicately across Callie's lips. "Okay," she whispered in awe. She honestly thought she'd never get to do this again. "Okay. But let's go across the hall. I'm not showing you anything in Mark's apartment."


	6. Actions Speak Louder than Words

**A/N:** So, this chapter would be why the story is rated M. I have never written smut before - please be kind! Thank you to Jess, who is thirty-five flavors of excellent and who assures me that my smut-writing skills are up to par.

* * *

A little voice Callie had come to recognize as that of reason shrieked in the back of her brain. "What are you doing?" it demanded. "You haven't completely forgiven her yet! You don't trust her! She could still hurt you! And what are you going to do afterward? Sleep in her bed like everything is how it used to be?" Callie heard the voice, dimly registered what it was saying, and ultimately chose to ignore it. She needed this from Arizona. After all of her confessions, all of her improved communication skills, all of her _I'm sorry_s and _I love you_s, Callie needed to see it, to feel it. It was one thing to say words; it was quite another to express them in action.

The fact of the matter was that Arizona loved Callie, Callie still loved Arizona, and for the first time in months – maybe for the first time ever – both of them were here, talking, and making real strides toward understanding each other. This morning Callie had told Arizona she didn't want her in her life. This evening she told her she no longer cared. Even if Callie had meant what she'd said, it would have been impossible to live her life without Arizona in it. Arizona had woven herself in and there was no getting her out.

The other fact of the matter was that Arizona, while tired and worn, was still breathtakingly beautiful, Callie was undeniably horny, and those two things were always an explosive combination.

Callie's internal monologue halted when she noticed she was now inside the apartment she and Arizona used to share. It was just across the hall, but emotionally, mentally, it was a whole other world. She felt herself moving through the apartment, taking care not to step on the boxes strewn across the floor. She realized Arizona was not pulling her. Callie was following willingly.

The bedroom was the only part of the apartment that didn't look like someone had staged a war zone in it. Callie recognized the sheets as the ones she and Arizona had packed away to be used again upon their return from Malawi. If she looked just at the bed and not at the bare room around her with her conspicuously absent furnishings, she could pretend nothing had changed.

Arizona cupped Callie's face and threaded one hand through her hair. "You cut your hair," she whispered. "It's beautiful."

"I was trying to get you out of it," Callie murmured. "It didn't work."

"I'm glad." Arizona leaned in and placed a soft kiss on each of Callie's cheeks, right below her eyes. Then she kissed the bridge and tip of her nose and slowly made her way along Callie's jaw. Callie could not remember ever being kissed so softly. She could feel Arizona's reverence, as if she was worshipping each place she kissed, and sure enough, when Callie managed to catch Arizona's eyes, Arizona was looking at her as if she was the whole world. And if, between Arizona's butterfly kisses and the look in her eyes, Callie still wasn't sure how the other woman felt, the slow, shuddering breaths that washed over her face would have made it obvious.

Finally, Arizona brushed her lips over Callie's. For a moment their two pairs of lips just held together, barely moving. Arizona's lips were even softer than Callie remembered, and she felt warmth, enveloping and safe, spread through her body at the touch. Arizona slowly ran her tongue along Callie's lower lip until Callie opened her mouth. Humbled at being granted access, Arizona stroked Callie's tongue gently with her own. She sucked on it just for a second before drawing back and sucking on her bottom lip. She pulled it and then let go, soothing the remaining burn with another gentle kiss, and began placing more kisses on Callie's neck and collarbone. Callie sighed in contentment. She was still fully clothed and Arizona was worshipping her. This was what she had missed.

Running her hands up Callie's sides to cup her breasts through her shirt, Arizona whispered, "I want to see you." Callie nodded and lifted her arms to allow Arizona to slip her shirt over her head and off. Arizona felt her eyes start to water at the sight of Callie in her black lace bra and jeans. How had she ever thought she could give this up, this and all it represented? She stood back and gazed at Callie, awestruck. Arizona looked at Callie as if she was the whole world because she _was_ her whole world. Slowly, as if she were gliding through clouds, Arizona extended her hands and ran them over Callie's stomach, sides, and breasts, touching every inch of skin she could. Callie tingled in their wake. With her hands cupping Callie's breasts, thumbs running circles over what her bra left uncovered, Arizona leaned in even closer and nipped gently at a spot on Callie's collarbone. Callie gasped at the light sting that was quickly palliated with Arizona's soft, warm tongue. She exhaled, but she was so steeped with pleasure that it came out as a breathy whimper. She felt hot pleasure pump through her veins, roil in her stomach, and seep between her legs. Save for her shirt and shoes, Callie was still fully clothed and ready to explode.

When Arizona's right hand abandoned Callie's breast in favor of reaching for the button of her jeans, Callie couldn't help but let out a quiet moan. The sensation of Arizona's hand in even the vague neighborhood of her crotch was nearly enough to make her lose her grip on her control. And when Arizona affixed her mouth to the place her hand had just fled, Callie almost fell down.

"Lie down, sweetheart," Arizona murmured. She wasted no time in returning her mouth to Callie's breast and tugging on her zipper. Arizona's hands on her body as she lowered herself to the bed made Callie feel as if she were being gently laid down. Everything about Arizona was soft tonight.

Straddling Callie, Arizona licked a trail from her bellybutton to the center of her bra. Torturously slowly, at least in Callie's opinion, Arizona wound her hands around her and unhooked her bra. No sooner had the two of them successfully removed the garment than Arizona wrapped her mouth around Callie's left breast and flicked her nipple with her tongue. She licked around it, over it, across it, and Callie gasped and moaned under the ministrations. Her skin began to flush and heat up. Her pleasure shot straight from her breasts to her center, and she felt moisture begin to pool in her underwear. This was torture, but it was the most pleasurable brand she could imagine. She made no move to hurry Arizona along, and when Arizona's mouth switched breasts and Callie felt teeth scrape lightly across her nipple, she was glad she'd made that choice.

"Arizona," Callie ground out, "take off your shirt." Even as she issued the command, Callie's hands were on Arizona's top, pulling at the fabric in a vain attempt to remove it from Arizona's body. Arizona shifted reluctantly, momentarily abandoning Callie's chest. Once the shirt was off and thrown on the floor, Arizona reached up and unhooked her bra herself.

Callie sighed in wonder as Arizona's breasts appeared before her. She traced one with her hand, but as Arizona moved to Callie's torso to nip, lick, and kiss the skin at her stomach and ribcage while her hands began to pull at her jeans, Callie resigned herself to lying back and enjoying the experience. She could think of worse fates.

The feel of Arizona's warm skin against her own, not to mention Arizona's breasts moving slowly just below hers, was exquisite. Ever so slowly – that seemed to be tonight's recurring theme, after all – Arizona slid Callie's jeans from her legs. Callie lifted her hips to help and was slightly disappointed when Arizona didn't take her underwear, too. But when Arizona leaned down and kissed all along the waistband of the underwear, breasts pressing into her thighs, Callie decided it was okay. She was so wet by now that she supposed it was pretty much irrelevant whether or not she was wearing them anyway.

"You smell amazing. Perfect," Arizona whispered, and Callie almost cried. As it was, she let out a high-pitched whimper. Arizona was so close, yet so far. Callie pushed her hips into Arizona and whimper-moaned again. "I know," Arizona comforted. "I feel you. I'm here." Arizona slid one hand down to cup Callie gently through her underwear, rubbing her thumb up and down along her slit. Callie nearly choked on her gasp. "You're so wet," Arizona breathed. "I love this."

Once again, emotion welled up in Arizona at the knowledge that she'd very nearly lost her chance to be in this position ever again. The knowledge that Callie didn't hate her – and actually seemed to enjoy her, if their current scenario was any indication – did very little to quell the lingering self-hatred she still held onto. She did her best to push those unpleasant feelings out of the way and focus on the task at hand. After all, Callie was lying beneath her clad only in a pair of soaking wet black underwear, eyes closed in ecstasy, all but begging to be taken. Arizona would be damned if she let anything stand in the way of her enjoyment of this.

Arizona bent her head further down to kiss and lick at Callie's thighs. With the hand that wasn't cupping her, she dragged her fingertips from Callie's knee to where the inside of her thigh met her center and back down. Callie canted her hips again. Arizona increased the pressure of her thumb; Callie flung one arm out to the side and clenched the sheet with her fist. With her other hand she reached down and ran her fingers through Arizona's hair. It was just as soft as she remembered. Arizona hummed at the touch.

Finally, Arizona's hands fell to Callie's hips and gripped the waistband of her underwear. Callie lifted her hips and spread her legs, and Arizona chuckled at Callie's eagerness.

The laugh cut itself short, though, as Arizona's gaze fell on Callie, naked and spread out before her. Her chest heaved with her shallow breaths, breasts rising and falling in time. Her eyes were barely open, as if she really _wanted_ to look at Arizona but her neural functions were too focused on other parts of her body. Callie's pussy glistened, wetness beginning to drip from her and run down the insides of her thighs. Likewise, Arizona made a concerted effort not to drool, and she could feel herself start to gush into her own underwear.

Still straddling Callie's knees, Arizona brought her head back down to the apex of her thighs. She laid a soft kiss on Callie's clit as she spread her open with her thumbs. Callie quivered but didn't buck her hips, at least not yet. There'd be time for that soon enough. Arizona buried her nose and mouth into Callie's folds and inhaled deeply, loving the sweet, rich, spicy scent that invaded all of her senses. "Calliope," she husked. "Calliope."

Callie, who had prided herself on being relatively quiet until this point, moaned loudly. She had missed hearing her name spoken like this, and in this context it was practically her undoing.

There was a part of Arizona that could have just kept admiring Callie for hours, but the more vocal part of her simply couldn't wait any longer. She'd gone nearly three months without tasting this woman; one more minute was a lifetime. Beginning at Callie's opening, Arizona licked a warm trail up to her clit, gathering as much liquid desire as she could. Callie tasted incredible, sweet, heady, and hot, and Arizona couldn't get enough.

Neither could Callie, evidently. One hand still in Arizona's hair, she reached between their bodies with her other hand and grabbed Arizona's breast. Arizona gasped and ground her hips against Callie's legs. Forcing herself to rein in her own intense arousal, Arizona returned to her task, this time kissing her way back down the path she'd licked a moment ago. Then she kissed and sucked at Callie's glistening pink folds, loving the half-sighs, half-moans Callie was emitting. She nuzzled Callie's clit with her nose as she continued to memorize her pussy with her mouth.

"Oh, god," Callie cried out, her voice high-pitched and needy. "Oh god. So good, Arizona." She squeezed Arizona's breast, pinching her nipple for good measure, and rocked her hips in hopes of increasing the friction. Finally, when she was starting to think Arizona would never touch her with her hands, she felt a finger slowly circle her opening, the touch feather-light. Arizona was still keeping her touches gentle and reverent. Callie squirmed and whimpered at the new contact. Wetness poured over Arizona's hand as her finger continued its torturous circles and her tongue began slow licks over and around Callie's clit. The pressure grew inside Callie and she wanted to scream. The feelings in her pussy, the feelings coursing through her, were exquisite, but she wouldn't be able to come unless Arizona increased…well, everything. On the other hand, Callie was enjoying Arizona's gentleness and the obvious love she was expressing so much that she almost didn't want to come yet. If her body didn't need it so badly, she would be happy keeping on for hours like this.

Callie bucked her hips and cried out as she felt Arizona's fingertip slip inside her – just a tentative entrance, barely anything at all, but oh, it was something. Arizona removed her fingertip and then slid it back in, this time wiggling it ever so slightly.

"Oh, god," Callie cried again. "Arizona, please." She wasn't entirely sure what she was asking for. Whatever it was, it paid off, because Arizona opened her mouth, gathering as much of Callie as she could, and sucked hard. Callie screamed. Arizona slid her whole finger inside Callie and softly rubbed her inner walls. Callie screamed again.

Arizona set a steady rhythm with her one finger and flicked Callie's clit lightly with the tip of her tongue. Callie, for her part, matched Arizona's rhythm with her hips, squeezing and kneading her breast all the while. Arizona hummed into Callie's pussy in satisfaction. When Arizona hit a particularly sensitive spot inside Callie, Callie inhaled sharply and squeezed her legs around Arizona's head.

"There," she cried desperately. "Right there." Arizona immediately complied, rubbing the spot firmly but gently while lapping at her clit just a little bit harder. Callie threw her head back and closed her eyes. There were no more words. She panted, grunted, and cried out, feeling her own wetness flowing out of her as the pressure inside built and built. Her thighs began to shake and her toes curled. Arizona felt the channel around her finger grow tighter and she rubbed Callie's spot a little harder as she simultaneously wrapped her lips around her clit and gave it a good suck.

"You're so close," Arizona murmured, temporarily removing her mouth. "Almost there. Can you come for me, sweetheart?"

"I'm – oh god!" Callie screamed as Arizona hit her spot and sucked her clit at just the right time, with just the right pressure. "Oh g– ohh!" She thrashed her hips arrhythmically as she completely exploded, release radiating through her whole body and thoroughly soaking Arizona's hand once again. Arizona worked her through the orgasm, gradually slowing her finger and mouth before stopping entirely. She slowly extracted her finger and gave Callie's clit one last flick as her quaking body relaxed to small tremors before finally stilling, save for the deep breaths Callie drew in as she worked to regulate her breathing. Callie slowly relaxed her grip on Arizona's breast.

Arizona took delicate, exquisite care in cleaning Callie up, returning to the soft, worshipful caresses of earlier. She was so enjoying herself that it took her a moment to register that Callie was shaking. She ascended Callie's body quickly and her heart clenched at the realization that Callie was crying, cheeks already soaked with tears. Arizona blanched. She was certain Callie had enjoyed herself. Was she having second thoughts now? Had this been a goodbye? Arizona had trouble forming words around the sudden lump in her own throat, but she had to try.

She smoothed one hand against Callie's cheek, absorbing some of the tears. "Calliope –"

"I love you," Callie sobbed, leaning her face into Arizona's hand. "I love you. I love you."


	7. It's Okay

**A/N:** I had a lot of trouble with this chapter - trying to move the story forward while also keeping it believable and realistic. In the end, it's long, but I think I covered all my bases. We've got a little bit of everything here. Oh, and there's more sexytime. This chapter is _very_ smutty, I think more so than the last one. Jess, you are an excellent beta and a fantastic friend. Thanks, lady!

* * *

This was the moment, Arizona realized. This was the moment she'd been anticipating ever since she'd made the decision to return to Seattle. This was the new defining moment in her relationship with Callie. It would either make or break them, and Arizona realized with alarm that she was not at all prepared. Here Callie lay, naked, sated, and crying, completely vulnerable after having told Arizona she loved her. What could Arizona say to assuage Callie's nerves? What could anyone do to assuage her own? And above all else, what did this mean? Were they back together now, or had this just been some kind of test? By Callie's reaction, Arizona assumed she'd passed, but she wouldn't know until Callie said anything, and she was afraid to ask.

One thing at a time, Arizona decided. If she had learned anything so far, it was that it was okay not to have all the answers right away. Callie was here and she loved her. "I love you and you love me," Arizona had repeated over the last days and weeks, but it had been more to comfort herself than to convince Callie of anything. Actually hearing Callie say it, it turned out, was much more effective. She'd admitted to being afraid and Callie hadn't balked or run away. The two of them had actually sat down and had a real conversation, and nobody got mad, yelled, or threatened to leave anyone. When she had a better grasp of the situation, she'd have to remember to call Teddy and tell her she'd been right.

Rolling onto her back, Arizona pulled Callie to her and pulled a sheet over them so Callie would feel a little less vulnerable. She closed her eyes and pressed gentle kisses to Callie's head. Callie buried her face into the crook of Arizona's neck. Both women held on as tightly as they could, and Arizona rocked her body back and forth to the best of her ability.

Callie cried hard, soaking Arizona's skin with her tears. There was so much she wanted to say, but her mouth wouldn't work to make the words. _Where do we go from here? How do I know you won't leave again tomorrow?_

"I've got you," Arizona murmured. "I'm here now, honey. I'm right here and I won't leave you again. I love you so much. I'm not leaving, I promise." Whether a promise from her would mean anything to Callie, Arizona didn't know. She could only hope that one day it would.

"I missed you so much!" Callie finally choked out. "I was mad and hurt but I just fucking missed you!" They'd been through the talk, but that didn't make it any easier for Arizona to see Callie this upset, especially when she assumed responsibility for it. She wanted to say something else, but she didn't know what was left to say. "I love you," Callie said again. "That's why this all hurt so much. It would've been so much easier to hate you."

Arizona had to chuckle at that. Callie had also claimed to hate her on the day of the shooting at the hospital, and that certainly hadn't been the case. "You're not very good at hating me."

"I'm really not," Callie agreed.

The two lapsed into a semi-comfortable silence.

"So…" Arizona ventured. "Now what?"

Callie sighed. "I don't know. I want to be with you, I do, but I can't get hurt again. And I know tonight you've been proving to me that you're not going to hurt me anymore, but –"

"You're still scared," Arizona said softly. "I get it. I am too. But maybe…maybe we could be scared together. I'm not saying you should move back in with me right away or anything. Maybe we should take it slow. But I want to move forward."

"I do, too," Callie agreed. "I don't want to be scared for the rest of my life, and I definitely don't want to miss you anymore." She paused to attempt to stifle a yawn. "Can we not talk about living arrangements right now? I really want to sleep."

Arizona nodded. "We can sleep. I mean – unless – I just assumed you meant you wanted to sleep here, with me. But if you want to go –"

"Arizona, shut up."

"I, uh – huh, what?"

"I haven't had a good night's sleep since you left. It's late and it's been a really long day and an even longer night. I'm still feeling the orgasm you gave me fifteen minutes ago, and I am exhausted. Neither of us is moving from this bed for the next, hmm, thirty-six hours."

Arizona laughed. "Okay, point taken." She hesitated. "Can I hold you?"

"I wish you would."

* * *

Arizona was having trouble sleeping. Not because she wasn't tired – to the contrary, sleep had never sounded like a better idea – but because, even despite Callie's tearful confession of love, Arizona honestly had no idea where they were going to go from here. She missed the days when the two of them lying in bed together was nothing more than sleepy arms tightening around waists, half-coherent mumblings, and faces buried in manes of sweet-smelling hair. Those days were over, at least for the foreseeable future, and while Callie didn't seem closed to the idea of reintroducing them at some point, Arizona didn't know how the hell they were going to get there. She had a feeling Callie didn't, either. She considered going to Teddy for advice again, but Arizona decided that Teddy had helped her enough. This was her relationship, her own uncharted ground to navigate.

Callie stirred and mumbled something that was some mix of Spanish and gibberish and burrowed further into Arizona's arms. Arizona tightened her hold. Sleeping, Callie looked completely carefree. There wasn't a crease or worry line to be found on her face. Her full, pink lips were slightly parted and one strand of hair swept across her forehead. Even after everything that had happened between them, Arizona found her breath hitching at how astonishingly gorgeous she found the other woman. And the fact that she was really here, in Arizona's bed, in her _arms_; the fact that she had let Arizona touch her, had asked Arizona to hold her; the fact that she told Arizona she _loved_ her…how did that tear get on her cheek?

No matter what happened, Arizona knew, beyond all measurable doubt, that this absolutely could not be the last time they lay like this together. For the first time since leaving for Malawi – probably even before that, if she really thought about it – she felt whole. She had admitted all of her deepest fears and secrets to the woman she loved. She had jumped and trusted Callie to catch her before she fell into an abyss, and Callie had. She had begun to trust; she had begun to need. And it was _okay_.

So now, the only real remaining problem was how to prove to Callie that this new okay-ness was permanent. She had already apologized and made her promises. She'd said the words. She'd shown Callie with her body that she'd never hurt her again. What was left? Short of coming home to Callie every day and showing her she was still there, she wasn't sure. The ball was sitting, figuratively of course, atop the net between their two courts.

Maybe it was the little things. Their relationship had once thrived on the little things, and it had been those, not the grand gestures, that had ultimately made her and Callie so successful. The smiles, quick little touches, the text messages. The coffee dates, the movie nights, the hand holding. When Callie went through her mail, she made sure to save the magazines and articles she thought Arizona would find interesting. Arizona made sure to add Callie's favorite movies to her Netflix queue.

Somewhere, in the post-hospital shooting, pre-Africa, post-moving in haze, Arizona had lost sight of the little things. She supposed that was what happened when you were too busy being afraid of the other shoe dropping to talk to your partner. Yes, they'd start with the little things this time and gradually work their way to, and ultimately past, where they had been. It would be slow, but it would be so worth it. Arizona smiled to herself and pressed a soft kiss to Callie's temple. Now that she had a plan, albeit a somewhat abstract one, Arizona felt herself begin to relax. Sleep should come easily now.

It didn't.

As it turned out, there was still one more problem: Callie had had a fabulous orgasm and Arizona had not. And now that she was thinking about it, she couldn't _not_ think about it. The way Callie had bucked her hips, the way she'd cried out, how wet and ready she had been…not to mention how she'd smelled and tasted…okay, that wasn't helping. Arizona squeezed her thighs together, which proved almost completely pointless as her wetness seemed determined to seep out anyway. Slowly, she slid one hand down between her legs to cup herself through her pants. It felt good, but she really wanted Callie to touch her, and no amount of imagining could convince her that her own hand was Callie's – not when the real thing was right there next to her.

Arizona weighed her options. She could force herself to sleep and hope that Callie would take care of her when they woke up, assuming no one's pager went off. She could touch herself, just to tide herself over, until she could get the real deal. Or – and she was leaning heavily in favor of this final option despite how peaceful Callie looked – she could wake Callie up. After all, she reasoned, while sex shouldn't be used as a substitute for talking, actions did speak louder than words. And Arizona considered lovemaking one of the little things that defined her and Callie's relationship. (It wasn't so much a little thing as a big, amazing, very important thing, but it served essentially the same purpose, so Arizona counted it for the sake of argument.) Besides, Arizona wanted to continue proving to Callie how much she loved her, and part of that was showing her how her body craved her. Yes, Callie was exhausted, but she could sleep when they were done. Given how worked up Arizona was already, she didn't anticipate it taking too long.

Rolling onto her side, Arizona pressed herself against Callie's thigh and swallowed back a loud sigh. Yeah, this definitely couldn't wait. She tightened her hold around Callie's middle, rocking her hips a little harder and willing Callie to wake up. She began lightly scraping her nails up and down Callie's left arm. She shivered, but remained asleep. Arizona let a frustrated groan escape from the back of her throat. Going for broke, she nipped lightly at Callie's shoulder.

"Hrrmph," Callie finally mumbled, eyes still closed. "Whatayoudoin'?" Arizona responded by rocking her hips again. "'M sleeping," Callie grumbled, to which Arizona replied with a whine.

"I'll let you sleep for a week after," Arizona pleaded. "I love you. I've missed you. My body missed you and watching you come made me really, really…" Arizona rocked her hips a third time for emphasis. "…Impatient." Callie sighed Arizona could tell she was wearing her down. "You're so, so beautiful and I love you so much and my body _really_ wants you." She scraped her nails and rocked her hips at the same time. "Please?"

"You're doing that pouty eyelash thing, aren't you?" Callie asked without turning over.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Callie sighed, but it was definitely a dramatic sigh, not by any means an irritated one. She was tired, yes, but the day she turned down making love to Arizona would be the day she checked herself onto a psych ward. She rolled over onto her back and Arizona immediately climbed on top of her, pinning her with a kiss. Her hands found Callie's breasts in seconds.

"Oh, no," Callie said, grabbing Arizona's hands. "No way are you topping me again. I'm in control this time." She rolled again and flipped Arizona onto her back.

Stunned, but mostly disappointed at the loss of friction, Arizona said, "Huh?"

"Arizona," Callie said gently, softly tracing the line of Arizona's jaw with her finger, "I love you. But you can't control everything all the time. Sometimes you have to let me. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," Arizona answered without missing a beat.

Callie nodded. "It's okay," she said, reading the fear in Arizona's eyes and hearing what she wasn't saying. "It's okay not to be in control sometimes. I know it's hard. But I'll keep you safe." Arizona nodded, throat suddenly tight with emotion. Callie would keep her safe; of that she was absolutely certain. Here was that defining moment again. She was about to relinquish control; she was going to trust. And she was going to come out of it just fine. She was a good man in a storm, and she could feel it starting to drizzle.

Speaking of drizzling, her underwear was soaked.

From her perch atop Arizona's hips, Callie leaned down and kissed her, slipping her tongue inside Arizona's mouth. Callie's tongue stroked Arizona's rhythmically as one hand dropped down to rub slow circles on her side. Arizona's whole body tingled.

"Callie, please," Arizona whined. "I know you're in control, and that's fine, but…" She bucked her hips up into Callie's. "…I can't wait."

Callie smirked and unbuckled Arizona's belt as torturously slowly as she could. She slipped one hand inside, straight past her underwear, and cupped her. She had to bite her lip and close her eyes – Arizona was so beyond wet that it practically felt like she was flowing into Callie's hand. "Oh, wow," she whispered. "Arizona…wow. I guess you really can't wait, can you?" Arizona shook her head and whimpered. As tempted as Callie was to take Arizona right now, just like this, she wasn't going to give up her control that quickly. Besides, she had waited far too long for this. Reluctantly on both women's parts, Callie removed her hand and held it close to Arizona's face. Arizona gasped. The sight of her essence coating Callie's hand and the sweet, hot, tangy smell triggered another rush of moisture. Locking eyes with Callie, Arizona extended her tongue and licked every drop of herself from Callie's palm. She moaned at the taste, the one Callie experienced every time she went down on her. No wonder Callie enjoyed it so much.

As a compromise, Callie decided to skip the foreplay. "There's…something I want to try," she said, reining in her own sudden re-emergence of arousal. "I just have to, uh, find it. I think it's in one of the boxes." Arizona could barely process language. She nodded slowly and whimpered as Callie got up. It was all she could do to lie still until she returned and try not to float away on her own want. The fact that she watched Callie saunter out of the room completely naked did absolutely nothing to help.

When they had initially packed for the move to Malawi and put most of their belongings in storage, Callie had taken it upon herself to pack the "toy chest." She had labeled it "cleaning supplies" so as not to arouse suspicion if anyone else happened upon it. She found the box on a stool at the breakfast bar. Arizona had obviously thought it really did contain cleaning supplies, and Callie was glad she hadn't had time to clean yet. After opening the box and rooting around for a moment, Callie found what she was looking for.

It took some time, but Arizona eventually peeled her eyes away from Callie's bouncing chest to see what was in her hand. Her eyes widened and her heart picked up. Hanging from Callie's right hand was a pair of silk scarves she'd never seen before. One was light blue, almost the color of Arizona's eyes, and the other was a deep purple. Callie was going to tie her up. No one had ever done that with her before. No one had even so much as suggested it. The idea made Arizona simultaneously panic and tremble with excitement. This would be the ultimate relinquishment of control. She would be at Callie's mercy, with no say in what happened. Arizona forced herself to choke back her blinding fear. She had to prove to Callie that she could tolerate letting her be in control, or Callie would feel like the relationship wasn't equal – which, Arizona had to admit, it wouldn't be. She knew Callie wouldn't hurt her. She knew Callie _couldn't_ hurt her – she simply wasn't capable. Callie loved her and had promised to keep her safe, and Arizona trusted that promise implicitly. She was learning to trust and she was learning to like it. But the sight of the scarves was jarring nonetheless.

"I want to try this," Callie began, holding up the scarves in her hand. "I'm going to be in charge. I know it's intense and kind of scary, but I won't hurt you. I promise I won't." Arizona nodded. She knew. "But if you need me to stop, I want you to tell me. What's your word going to be?"

Arizona thought about it for a minute, her first foray into kink not something she wanted to take lightly. She wanted her safe word to be something that made sense for her, for them. "Blue," she finally said, nodding toward the blue scarf Callie held.

"Okay," Callie agreed, cracking a smile. "If you want me to stop, for any reason, you say blue, and I'll stop. No questions asked."

"Okay," Arizona whispered.

Slowly, Callie crossed the room to the bed. "Arms," she demanded, and Arizona extended hers. Callie tied her left wrist to the headboard with the purple scarf and kissed where she'd made the knot. When she picked up Arizona's right wrist, Callie squeezed her hand and threaded their fingers together. Arizona squeezed back and then let Callie tie her with the blue scarf. "Too tight?" Callie asked. Arizona tested the strength of the scarves. They were tied tightly, securely, but they didn't hurt. She shook her head. "Good." Even in the dark room, Arizona could see the sudden darkening of Callie's eyes. She shivered, but whether that shiver was from fear or excitement she wasn't sure. Maybe it was both.

Callie rose to stand at the foot of the bed. "Now," she said, her voice dropping to a low husk, "what are we going to do about these pants you're still wearing for some reason?" She motioned to Arizona's still-clothed bottom half. "I bet they're soaking wet, aren't they?" All at once, Arizona felt a new wave of excitement rush through her. Fear forgotten, at least temporarily, she remembered just how aroused she was. She bit her lip and nodded. Callie climbed onto the bed, kneeling at the end so she loomed over Arizona. Arizona's mouth went dry at the vision of this woman naked and mentally devouring her. It was hard to decide what to focus on – Callie's full breasts in her direct line of sight, her eyes shining with unadulterated lust, or the space between her legs, where Arizona remembered being just a couple hours ago in vivid detail. Before she could choose, Callie reached out and grabbed Arizona's waistband, removing her pants and underwear in two strong tugs and tossing them to the floor.

Slowly, too slowly in Arizona's opinion, Callie positioned herself above Arizona, knees on either side of her hips and hands just above her head. Still bracing herself on one hand, Callie lowered her other hand to Arizona's center, cupping her firmly. Her mouth dropped to Arizona's left breast and she wasted no time in drawing it inside, sucking it rhythmically and flicking her nipple with her tongue. Callie had decided earlier to skip the foreplay, but that was before she had seen Arizona naked and wet, tied to her headboard, absolutely desperate to be taken. Callie amended her earlier promise and vowed to keep the foreplay shorter than usual.

Arizona groaned loudly when Callie began to squeeze her pussy in rhythm with the mouth sucking her breast. Callie switched breasts and grazed her nipple with her teeth, still keeping up the erotic rhythm, and Arizona knew she would come in no time. She longed to thread her fingers into Callie's hair, to draw her up for a kiss, but her hands hung helplessly above her head. She settled for throwing her head back, closing her eyes, and moaning. So far, Callie taking control felt absolutely divine, and Arizona was having no misgivings about the situation.

At least, she wasn't until Callie abruptly removed her hand from her center and her mouth from her breast.

Arizona's head shot up and her eyes popped open just in time to see Callie suck her fingers into her mouth and lick them clean. As delectable as the sight was, Arizona had been counting on an orgasm, and this put a slight damper in her plans. But as she listened to Callie hum her delight at her taste, she decided to give her the benefit of the doubt for the time being.

Callie crashed her lips to Arizona's in a searing kiss, tongue darting in to let Arizona taste herself again. Arizona sucked her tongue greedily until Callie withdrew, taking Arizona's lower lip between her teeth and biting gently.

"Callie, please," Arizona panted, straining against the scarves and wishing she could force Callie's head back down to her breasts, or maybe even lower. Callie just smiled and kissed Arizona's chin. The hand that had been between her legs reached down and pinched a nipple, causing Arizona to cry out and arch her back.

"You're loud tonight," Callie said. "I like it." She lowered her head again and nipped her way down Arizona's body, continuing down to bite lightly at her inner thighs. She lifted Arizona's right leg to bite at the space behind her knee. Arizona hissed and flexed her leg, which Callie promptly positioned over her shoulder before moving in for the kill. After making a quick swipe up Arizona's length, Callie played with her clit, flicking it with her tongue and licking circles around it. One hand moved to Arizona's thigh to scrape her nails along it. Arizona tensed, feeling her oncoming climax and wishing once again she could move her hands to hold Callie's head in place. Still, while the sensation of being tied up was unusual, the feelings Callie was evoking in her were too exquisite for her to mind too much.

"Does that feel good?" Callie asked throatily, momentarily lifting her head. "You feel good?"

"Please fuck me, Callie," Arizona begged. Maybe later she'd remember begging and feel silly or embarrassed, but right now, she was too close to the edge and would fall over it easily if Callie would just…

Two nimble fingers entered Arizona and her whole body bucked off the bed, arms still tied securely behind her. Callie's tongue continued its assault on Arizona's clit as she moved her fingers, pushing them in as far as they would go and scissoring them. Arizona moaned louder than she could remember moaning before. Callie dug her nails into Arizona's thigh to keep her steady on the bed. She dislodged her mouth from her clit long enough to look up and enjoy the sight of Arizona, sweaty and flushed, head thrown back again and pulling at the scarves around her wrists. God, she was beautiful. Truth be told, Callie had dreamed of this moment long before Africa was even a blip on anyone's radar. She couldn't imagine a more erotic vision, and Arizona more than did it justice.

Callie began pumping her fingers in time to the flicking of her tongue, and Arizona immediately started bucking her hips in rhythm. She concentrated on the steady in-and-out of those two long fingers, riding them as best she could lying on her back. She felt her channel clenching around them as her wetness poured from her. She was sure the sheet below her was wet. Callie moved her fingers faster and faster and Arizona saw fireworks start to erupt behind her closed eyes.

"I'm gonna come!" she cried. "Oh, god, I'm so close, I –"

Once again, Callie removed her hand and her mouth, and Arizona let out a strained scream. Momentarily forgetting her restraints, she tried to lunge her body forward, only to get caught halfway to sitting and collapse back on the head. She wanted to scream at Callie; she wanted to curse and demand that she return exactly to where she had been. She found, though, that she couldn't make words happen, and she settled on moaning some more. Arizona breathed heavily, panting and trying to quiet her rapidly beating heart. Callie grinned and sat back on her heels.

Arizona moaned and thrashed, squirming restlessly on the bed and squeezing her thighs together. Callie could see the flexing of Arizona's strong arm muscles as she strained against the scarves. She sat back and watched as Arizona fought to regain control over the situation. There was no doubt that if her arms weren't bound, she would either be furiously touching herself or using Callie's body in any way she could to bring herself pleasure. Arizona made quite a picture: her whole body was covered in a sheen of sweat as her chest heaved and her hips jerked. Her toes curled and her fingers flexed; her wrists pulled and tugged at the scarves. She alternated between squeezing her thighs and spreading them in wanton need, and when she did the latter, she dripped onto the bed. All in all, Callie was having a difficult time maintaining her own control.

"Blue" was on the tip of Arizona's tongue. What was Callie doing, just sitting there watching her like that? She needed release so badly it was painful. Twice now she had been on the brink of a powerful orgasm and Callie had retreated. In the back of her mind – the part not fueled by sexual energy – she felt fear setting in. Was Callie doing this to torture her? To show her how it felt to be neglected in some way? Logically, she knew that wasn't it. She had trusted Callie when she'd said she loved her and would keep her safe, and that trust hadn't dissipated. It was just the situation in which Arizona found herself – bound, naked, powerless, and vulnerable, not to mention beyond sexually frustrated – that gave her pause. She could do one of two things here: she could use her safe word, which she knew Callie wouldn't hold against her, and retreat back into what she knew, or she could stretch her limits, face the unknown, and maybe learn to enjoy giving up control once in a while.

It took her all of three seconds to decide to go with the second option.

"Callie, please!" she cried, bucking her hips and thrashing from side to side. "Please make me come! I need it! I need it so bad! Please, please fuck me!"

Callie almost came from the begging alone.

Without wasting any more time, Callie plunged three fingers into Arizona with one hand and pinched her clit with the other. She pumped her fingers one, two, three times, gaining momentum with each thrust. Arizona matched Callie's rhythm immediately, thrusting back onto those fingers even as her legs began to shake. She planted both feet firmly on the bed and spread her legs as wide as she could to give Callie the optimal amount of space. Callie thrust her fingers into Arizona as far as they would go, filling her and stretching her to the brink. Leaning over, she nipped Arizona's earlobe before whispering, "Let go, Arizona." Then, when she lowered her head to take Arizona's nipple between her teeth and simultaneously curled her fingers upward, everything happened at once.

For a split second, Arizona fell into a crushing void. Then, just as quickly, lights exploded behind her eyelids and the most powerful orgasm she had ever felt – no, she was not exaggerating – erupted through her. Completely letting go of all her inhibitions, she arched her back, bucked her hips off the bed, threw her head back, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

She came harder than she knew she had ever come before, hot liquid shooting from her raised hips as she ejaculated. Callie moaned along with her, an orgasm of her own shooting through her triggered by Arizona's powerful reaction. Arizona came hard and long, panting and whimpering, aftershocks coursing through her as the last of her wetness ran down her legs.

It was some time before her body began to relax, and it took even longer for her breathing to return to some form of normalcy. Callie untied her wrists in the meantime, rubbing them lightly to stimulate blood flow. As she came down, it began to dawn on Arizona what exactly had happened. She had never come like that before; had never begged for it, had never screamed so loudly, had certainly never ejaculated.

"Arizona, it's okay," Callie said, feeling Arizona's body stiffen. "You let go. You lost control. It was beautiful. Not to mention really, _really_ hot."

"I've never done…that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It was amazing. You felt really good. That was what your body wanted. Now, how do your wrists feel? Sore?"

Arizona shook her head. "No, my wrists are fine. God, I just can't believe…I'm sorry if I said or did anything that was…I don't know. I just…"

"Arizona, stop." Callie cupped Arizona's face with one hand and kissed her forehead. "I loved every minute of that. Now, come on. Let's shower and get you cleaned up, and then we're going back to sleep."

Arizona nodded bravely. "Okay."

* * *

The hot water felt wonderful on Arizona's skin, having chilled from the sweat that had since begun to evaporate. She still felt a little dazed from the night's activities, and she stood mutely in the shower, not quite sure of herself.

Callie poured some of Arizona's apple body wash onto a shower sponge. She ran it gently over Arizona's body, being sure to maintain eye contact as she moved it between her legs to clean her. Arizona blushed. Once Callie was finished, she dropped the sponge to the shower floor and gathered Arizona into her arms. Arizona leaned against her tiredly, more than ready now to fall into bed and sleep for hours on end.

"Thank you," Arizona said so softly Callie almost missed it. "Thank you for tonight. For listening to me, for talking to me, for understanding. Thank you for letting me hold you and for making me feel…_amazing_ and taking care of me. Thank you for being here, Calliope."

"Arizona," Callie said, hugging her a little tighter, "thank you for trusting me."


	8. You're My Parachute

It's done! Thank you so much to everyone who has read, reviewed, added me to their favorite authors/stories, and put me on story alert. It really means a lot! Thanks especially to my beyond-fantastic beta, Jess/Hylen, for listening to me blather on and on, reading everything I throw at her, imparting her infinite wisdom, and being generally awesome. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and feel that it wraps up the story in a realistic and, well, good, way. I already have several new plot bunnies in my brain clamoring for attention, both in canon (I know, right?) and in this little 'verse I seem to have created, so keep your eyes open for them!

* * *

Callie's first thought upon waking up naked in bed next to Arizona was that she had been doing exactly that for the past five months. Everything, from the sun peeking in through the window to Arizona breathing evenly beside her, almost allowed her to forget everything the two of them had been through and how much farther they still had to go.

Her second thought was "I left my phone and pager across the hall and I have no idea what time it is. Shit!"

Reluctantly, she disentangled herself from the sheets, which she recognized as her own. After their shower the night before, they had changed the sheets, replacing Arizona's old ones with these. Callie had been too tired at the time to process anything fully, but now she realized that these had been the main set of sheets on their bed when they had lived together. Even as she shivered when the chilly February morning air hit her bare body, Callie smiled. She couldn't help but feel as though things were slowly falling back into place. Just yesterday, she had considered the whole Arizona situation utterly hopeless and was so steeped in her own pain that she'd almost had them both believing she honestly never wanted to see Arizona again. And now? Now they were here together. They had talked, they had cried, they had made love, they had made strides. Callie was still apprehensive and proceeding with caution, but she was happy, confident in her love for Arizona, and –

Probably late for work. Crap.

Callie stood up from the bed and set about gathering her clothes. She paused after pulling on her pants to watch Arizona. She had so missed being able to do this. When Arizona slept, all traces of stress, pain, and fear disappeared. She had her nightmares, of course – who didn't? – but Callie had always delighted in being there to cuddle them away. This morning, Arizona looked even more content than usual, her face smooth and cast in the glow of the soft morning sun. There was no doubt in Callie's mind that Arizona had found a part of herself last night. It saddened her to think about just how long it had probably been missing, but she was glad she'd been able to help her relocate it. She just hoped it was here to stay. Callie's heart swelled with love as she gazed upon this woman. She was so, so glad she was back.

After putting on her bra and shirt and giving up on ever finding her socks again, Callie knelt on the floor by Arizona's head. She hated to wake her up, but she didn't want her to wake up later and not know where Callie was.

"Arizona," Callie whispered, brushing a wisp of hair from her forehead. "Wake up."

"Huh?" Arizona mumbled, still mostly asleep. Her eyelids fluttered but didn't open.

Callie chuckled. "Are you awake?"

"Nooo," Arizona whined. "Sleeping. Tired."

"You can go back to sleep," Callie promised. "I just wanted to tell you I have to go."

Arizona opened her eyes, suddenly more alert. "What? Why?"

"I have no idea what time it is. I think I have to go to work," she explained, brushing her fingertips across Arizona's forehead. "What are you doing today? Are you on the schedule?"

"Yeah," Arizona sighed, finally resigning herself to waking up. "I'm starting my shift at two."

"I guess I'll see you there in a little while, then," Callie said. She didn't know what time it was, but it definitely wasn't close to two o'clock in the afternoon yet. "But right now I really do have to go. We'll catch up later, okay?"

"Okay," Arizona replied. As Callie moved to get up, she added, "Hey. I love you."

"Love you, too," Callie murmured as she leaned down to kiss Arizona. "Seriously, why don't you go back to sleep for a little while? You've got some time before your shift, I think."

"Mm, good idea," she agreed, sinking back down into the pillows. "I'll see you later. Go be a rock star." Callie's heart soared at those words. They were on their way back.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Mark was making coffee at the breakfast bar when Callie walked in.

"Holy shit, Mark!" Callie cried, clutching her chest. "You want to warn a person before you sneak up on them like that?"

"This is my apartment and I'm right out in the open. I've been here for hours. Seriously, where were you? Why are you barefoot? Are those the same clothes you were wearing yesterday? Were you –" He cut his eyes toward the door. "You were with Arizona!"

"Mark! Yes, I was with Arizona. We talked. It was really good."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Which set of lips did you use to do the talking?"

"Mark!" Callie smacked him on the back of the head. "Not that it's any of your business, but…both."

Mark set his coffee mug down on the bar and sat on a stool, all traces of playfulness suddenly gone from his face. "Whoa, wait, really? Yesterday you said –"

"I know what I said. Arizona and I both said things we shouldn't have said. But last night we both said everything we _should_ have said to each other a long time ago."

"Such as?"

"Such as things that are between me and Arizona."

"Come on," Mark whined. "What did she say?"

"It doesn't matter. She opened up to me and really trusted me, Mark. I'm not going to betray that."

"It _does_ matter!" he insisted. "She hurt you! I was there, Cal. I saw you. You were broken. She _broke_ you. So, yeah, it matters!"

"You think I don't know that?" Callie replied. "Look, I don't expect you to understand. It's just…this feels _right_."

Mark took a long drag from his coffee mug and studied Callie over the rim. Aside from sporting the telltale look of a person who'd had sex recently, he had to admit that Callie looked better than she had in a long time. The scowl that had seemed to have taken up permanent residence on her face was gone. She carried herself as though a heavy weight had literally been lifted from her shoulders, and there was a light in her eyes Mark hadn't seen in months.

"It looks like it feels right," he conceded. "I'm happy for you. But if she hurts you again, don't think I won't destroy her."

Callie nodded. "Thank you." Then she remembered why she was here in the first place. "Shit. What time is it?"

Mark glanced at his watch. "Almost ten. You on today?"

Callie sighed in relief. "Yeah, at ten-thirty. I need to change." She picked out a new outfit from the suitcase next to the couch and started to head into the bathroom.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Look," Callie said. "Arizona and I aren't officially back together, but I respect her and care about her feelings. You seeing me naked makes her uncomfortable."

"What? Why?" Mark asked, even as Callie closed the bathroom door. "It's not like anything's going on. I mean, even when we were –"

"That's not the point," Callie called out through the door. She picked her next words carefully, determined both to make Mark understand and not to repeat anything Arizona had said. "She deserves to feel special. She's important to me and I've sucked at showing her that."

"Okay, so what are you if you're not officially together?" Mark still didn't completely understand why Arizona had such a problem with him, but he could mostly see what Callie meant. If she and Arizona were in love, he supposed they deserved to be the most important people in each other's lives. Plus, he figured, it couldn't hurt to give Lexie less to worry about.

"We're not…_not_ together," Callie replied, emerging from the bathroom. "If it's okay with you, I'll probably stay here a little while longer. You know, spend the night at Arizona's but not move back in yet. We haven't really talked about it, but we're going to take it slow, I think."

"But you slept together already," Mark clarified.

Callie pulled on her jacket and boots. "Yeah."

"Well, good. Now that that's out of the way, there's plenty of time to take it slow." Callie just shook her head and headed out the door.

Once Mark was sure Callie was out of earshot, he crossed the hallway and knocked on what was apparently now Arizona's door. When he didn't hear anything after a minute or so, he knocked louder. Finally, he heard some sleepy-sounding shuffling and fumbling, and a disheveled Arizona, clad in a tank top and a pair of flannel pajama pants, opened the door.

She probably would have been less surprised if Cristina Yang had been standing in front of her. "Um, hi."

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you I'm happy for you and Callie."

"Oh! Um, thank you." Since learning that he and Callie had slept together recently, Arizona found herself resenting him a little more than usual, especially after his attempts at advice yesterday.

"But if you ever hurt her again," he continued, "I will perform a very unfortunate facial reconstruction."

"And if you sleep with her again, I'll castrate you," Arizona said without missing a beat. "Deal?"

"Deal." Mark extended his hand for Arizona to shake, which she did. He shifted a little on his feet. "Uh, I guess I'll see you." He turned to leave.

"Mark, wait." He turned around. "I need to know. Yesterday, when you were giving me advice about my flaws and how to get Callie to take me back, was that…were you just being nice to me because you and Callie slept together and you felt sorry for me?"

"What? No."

"Then…then why?"

"Because I know how much you two love each other, even though Callie was too stubborn to realize it. Look, you deserve to be together. Just…don't hurt her again."

"I plan to spend the rest of my life making sure that doesn't happen."

* * *

It was nearly five o'clock before Callie had a chance to get off her feet. After rushing into the hospital mere seconds before her shift started, she had gone on rounds and performed a surgery immediately afterward. She had planned to take a break for lunch then, but she'd gotten slammed when a car carrying four friends had skidded on ice and hit a tree. She'd had to operate on three of them, and one of them went into cardiac arrest on the table and didn't make it. Callie had been at work for six and a half hours, had lost a patient, and hadn't eaten or sat down. She still had another five and a half hours left on the clock and all she wanted was to collapse and sleep until sometime next week.

The attendings' lounge was just that much closer to the O.R. she'd just come out of, and she was unwilling to walk the extra five minutes to an on-call room. She was glad to find the lounge empty. The last thing she wanted was to make polite conversation with people she didn't particularly feel like talking to. If she let herself think about it, she did hope she'd cross paths with Arizona, but she wanted to be careful not to fall into the habit of needing to see her too often. She had a feeling that wasn't part of taking it slow. Instead, Callie settled for sliding her cell phone out of her lab coat pocket and typing a text message to Addison: _U were right. Communication rox. _Then she rested her head against the arm of the couch and fell asleep so quickly she wasn't even aware of it happening.

"…coffee will get cold." The vague end to a sentence she hadn't processed roused Callie from her slumber. Once again, she didn't know how long she had been asleep, but judging by the still-empty lounge and the light through the window not having changed much, she figured it couldn't have been long. As tempting as it was to ignore the nonsense and fall back to sleep, the mention of coffee had piqued her interest. Also, the voice had sounded a lot like – "Callie. Calliope. Wake up."

"'M awake," she mumbled. "Arizona?"

"Hi," Arizona confirmed. "Seriously, wake up. There's coffee and it really will get cold if you don't wake up and drink it."

Callie yawned and made the sleepy sighing noise that Arizona found positively adorable. "I'm awake. Give me coffee."

Arizona laughed. "I saw your name all over the board and April said you've been busy all day. I figured you'd be exhausted." She held up the coffee cup, and Callie realized with a pang in her heart that it was not a coffee cup from the hospital. It was real coffee, real, _good_ coffee, that had come from the cart the next block over.

"Arizona, thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"Well, it was on the way back from the Chinese place. I figured you'd be hungry, too." She motioned to the table behind her, where she'd placed a bag from the Chinese restaurant she and Callie used to frequent. The gesture was so simple, but it warmed Callie from the inside out.

"Come sit. You free for a little while?"

Arizona checked her watch and nodded. "I've got a bowel repair in an hour. When do you finish?"

"Ugh. A million hours from now. You?"

Arizona laughed, grabbing the bag of food and sitting down beside Callie on the couch. "I'm done at eight tomorrow morning, so…a million and one."

"That sucks."

"Mm. Egg roll?" Callie took the proffered egg roll and took a big bite, moaning in satisfaction when the flavor registered in her mouth.

"I didn't realize how hungry I was," she said around mouthfuls of food. "This is amazing." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Arizona smile brightly.

For several minutes, they ate in a companionable silence broken only by the sounds of chewing and swallowing. Arizona's mind, however, was racing a mile a minute. She had something she wanted to say to Callie, but she was afraid to say it and was trying valiantly to organize her thoughts into coherent sentences that Callie would take the right way. Arizona had done everything right since arriving at Callie's door last night. She'd opened herself up to Callie, had made herself vulnerable in so many ways. She'd trusted, she'd faced her fears, and she'd communicated. Still, there was that little part of her that was terrified to mess up. That was the part of her that worried ceaselessly that the next thing she did would cause someone to be disappointed in her or make Callie turn around and leave her forever. It was the part that had singlehandedly decided to move to Africa for three years and the part that hated her brother's guts because he'd left her when she'd needed him. She needed help to make that part of her diminish in size until it disappeared altogether, and for the first time in her life, she was not only recognizing that that part wasn't the _only_ part of her, but she was accepting the notion that asking for help would be okay.

"Calliope?"

"Hmm?"

"I've been thinking."

Callie froze, her mouth full of noodles. _Oh god. Oh crap. Chew, swallow, don't choke, don't panic._ She couldn't read the expression on Arizona's face or the tone of her voice, and she didn't know whether Arizona had been doing the kind of thinking that meant she was having second thoughts about working on getting back together. Had last night been too much for her? Was she going to say she'd decided to go back to Malawi? Callie's heart began to race and she swallowed her food with an uncomfortable gulp. Unable to speak, she gave Arizona a look that indicated she should continue. Whether she'd actually managed not to express her sudden gripping fear, she wasn't sure.

"I think…I think maybe we should try going to couples' counseling." Arizona saw the shock on Callie's face at this unexpected turn of events and pressed on before Callie could interrupt. "It's just…I know things are going really well now, even though it's only been a day, and I really do think we can make this work, but there are still things I'm freaked out about, and sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to talk about them. And I know I can talk to you about anything – last night helped me realize that – but sometimes I just get so scared that I don't even know what to say. We're getting better at communicating, I know we are, but I love you and I want to be with you and I want to be absolutely sure that I – that _we_ don't make the same mistakes we made before."

Callie was silent for a long moment and Arizona watched her with cold fear in her heart, almost certain that at any second Callie would scoff at her, call her crazy, and walk out of the room.

Finally, she spoke. "I missed hearing you babble like that."

Arizona made a sound that was part relieved laugh and part choked cry. "What?"

"Even when you talk all fast and rambly like that, somehow I still know exactly what you're saying."

"So…"

"So, yeah. I agree. We should go."

"Oh. Oh, good."

Callie laughed. "Yeah, good. It may not seem like it, Arizona, but I'm still freaked out too. You know, are you going to leave for Africa or, I don't know, Australia, tomorrow, are we going to fight about kids again…that kind of thing. I think it'll be good for us. Just one condition."

"What's that?"

"We see a counselor outside the hospital. We don't need everyone knowing what we're doing."

Arizona laughed. "Agreed." She then remembered the other thing she wanted to say. "Hey, where are you going to sleep tonight?"

"Tonight? In your bed without you."

"Meanie."

"It'll be nice and warm when you come back in the morning. But you meant 'where am I going to live now,' didn't you?"

"Um…yeah."

Callie took a deep breath. "I think it would be best if I didn't officially move back in yet. We should take things one step at a time."

Arizona nodded. "That makes sense."

"Are you sure you're okay with that? I mean, I'll spend most nights with you anyway, but if me living with Mark makes you uncomfortable, then –"

"No, no, it's fine."

"Are you sure?"

Arizona chuckled. "I'm sure, Calliope."

Callie extended the arm closest to Arizona. "Come here." Arizona complied, moving closer to Callie and leaning against her, tucking her head into the crook of Callie's neck. She sighed contentedly. "You're pretty amazing, Arizona."

"Not that I'll ever get tired of hearing that, but…why exactly?"

Callie chuckled, and it rumbled through Arizona's body. "Facing your fears head-on like this. Talking to me about what's on your mind. I know that's hard for you. Bringing me coffee and Chinese food. Oh, and winning an insanely prestigious grant for being all smart and talented. I'm proud of you."

Arizona beamed despite the sudden tears welling up in her eyes. "You are?"

"I am. My brave, talented, hardcore, beautiful…"

"Girlfriend?" Arizona supplied hopefully.

Callie smiled. "Something like that."

Arizona giggled and snuggled deeper into Callie. This, right here, was all she ever wanted. It was the most perfect imperfection she'd ever known, and she couldn't dream of it being better any other way.

"You're my parachute," Arizona said, her voice slightly muffled by Callie's shoulder.

"I'm your…what?"

"I've always been afraid to take leaps. Every moment with you has been like jumping out of an airplane. It steals the breath from my lungs and it usually still terrifies the crap out of me. But I realized, Calliope, that as long as I'm jumping with you, I don't need to be terrified, because you are my parachute, and with you I will always land safely."

Callie hugged Arizona tighter, resting her cheek against the top of Arizona's head. "You're my parachute, too."

Arizona looked up at Callie, eyes twinkling, and raised her head for a kiss. Their lips met softly and surely in a sweet yet passionate kiss.

Jumping out of an airplane had never been more rewarding.


End file.
